The Trucker's Wife: March 2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Toilet Talk

There won't be any pictures today, for reasons which will soon become obvious. Since coming off the road, I've been investing a lot of time and effort into trying to regulate my bowels. Living in a truck isn't exactly conducive to regularity, especially for a person such as myself, who suffers from "P.P.P." (Public Pooping Phobia for those of you who are not well versed in medical matters). I have never been able to easily do "number two" in public restrooms, I don't know why that is. I generally just hold it, or if I really have no choice, then I'll go into the furthest stall from the door, and try to wait till there is no one else in the bathroom. If there IS someone there, then I screw my eyes tightly shut, and put my fingers in my ears, so as not to hear the sounds of anyone moving around. This is really about the only way I can perform.

So you can easily imagine that living in the truck with Mr. Trucker, where the only bathrooms available to us are public restrooms, was not exactly conducive to keeping regular with any consistency. In fact, I would often go a week or longer without, ahem, pooping. This would generally lead to a "moment" when I would suddenly feel such a strong urge to go that I knew I didn't have much time. This always seemed to occur when we were driving, and poor Mr. Trucker would be stuck trying to find the closest available rest area or truckstop where he could pull off and drop me at the door so I could run in and use the restroom.

These conditions led to what I will call "the unfortunate incident". This happened the week before I left the road for good, but was not the sole reason for me deciding not to ride with Mr. Trucker any longer. Anyway, what happened was that I had one of my urges, and Mr. Trucker couldn't get to a stopping place in time, and I literally "crapped my pants". There it is, it's out in the open now. I feel much better for having confessed this to you, my readers.

Now that I'm living with Mr. Trucker's parents, I thought my bowel habits would just straighten themselves right out, but unfortunately that hasn't been the case. I envy those people who are able to just go, as regular as clockwork, every day at the same time. That would not be me. So I bought a container of Metamucil and started having some, in a glass of water, twice a day. Even this is not causing daily regularity, although it is slightly improved.

So that is today's topic, folks, and I know that my daughters will be mortified when (if) they read it. But I've gotten into the habit of being "real" on this blog, and I'm not about to change now.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Springtime in the Northwoods, The Big Hole, And A Baby Chimp

For those of you who have lost track of where I am (trust me, you're not the only ones...), I am living with Mr. Trucker's parents up north in Wabeno until the ground thaws and we can turn the water back on at OUR home (and I say "home" in the very loosest sense of the word). Until today, I had thought that day would be in mid-late April, but after today, I have my doubts.

Can you believe it's spring?

I'm working one part time job and starting a second one in a little over a week. I did do a little bit of traveling after coming off the road with Mr. Trucker. Yesterday I told you about my visit with my youngest daughter, Sassy. The week following that excursion, I drove to Green Bay to see my oldest daughter, Sissy.

Sissy was moving and had asked my help with cleaning her former apartment so that she could turn in the keys. We also had a nice visit and I got to meet the man in her life, finally!

Mr. Wonderful with my Sissy. Doesn't she look happy?
He's very nice, and awfully good to her!

While I was at Sissy's new apartment, I texted her sister, Sassy, and said "Your sister lets me use FIVE squares of toilet paper". Sassy responded "Oh boohoo!". Heehee. I get such a kick out of playing those two against each other. During my visit with Sissy, I told her that I had applied for some jobs in Green Bay and she wanted to know what I would do for living arrangements if I got one of them. I told her that I planned to move in with HER, and do you know what she said to me? She said "no way! We'd kill each other!". Can you believe it? My own child...for whom I sacrificed everything. And that's the thanks I get!

The weekend following my little jaunt to Green Bay, I headed out once again. My brother, who lives in Traverse City, MI, had offered me an extra ticket he had to see his daughter, my niece, in her high school's production of "Phantom of the Opera". Mr. Trucker was SUPPOSED to be coming home for the weekend, but early Thursday, I found out that he wouldn't be making it (no surprises there!), so on Friday morning, I headed out for Traverse City. It was a beautiful day for the drive and I've gotten so comfortable driving across the Mackinac Bridge, that I actually took a picture with my cellphone AS I was crossing it:

Mighty Mac!

While in Traverse City, I did a little shopping on Front Street. Of course I had to visit my brother's store, where I bought a T-shirt for my Mother-in-law:

World Headquarters of Roth Shirt Co.

I think we can all relate.

Saw these in a shop window. They give new meaning
to the name "Ugg"!

The rare and elusive one-stringed guitar!

I camped out at my Nephew and Niece-in-law's house and made a new best friend while I was there:

This is the cat that Sassy always said looked ticked off
because she ran into a wall so many times she smashed her face.

Sunday was the performance, which was excellent! I love Phantom and never tire of seeing it.

My brother, Odd Bod, and his two youngest offspring. I can't believe
how they've grown!

My niece-in-law & nephew. Isn't she teeny and
adorable?

When I was driving home on Monday, I drove through Petoskey, MI, where Mr. Trucker and I had lived for a full three months in the summer of 2008 (nothing like a little staying power, eh?). During our time in Petoskey, one of the newsworthy happenings was that an entire city block of the downtown had been purchased & completely excavated before the investor ran out of money. Every week, the local (weekly) newspaper would publish a photograph of the progress on the development (or should I say lack of progress). The photo was always taken at the exact same time on the same day of the week, from the same position, and for week after week after week, the photographs looked the same.

After leaving Michigan to return to Wisconsin, we kind of lost track of the happenings in Petoskey. So imagine my surprise as I drove through there last week, to see nothing other than this:

Could it be? It's been nearly three full years, but up there
behind that green fencing...

I called Mr. Trucker and said "Guess what's still there?" and he immediately answered: "The Petoskey Hole"!

The Petoskey Hole

Apparently it's still hung up in the courts so no action has been taken. It's such a shame, because it's the most prominent corner in town, right across from the waterfront.

While I was enjoying myself in Traverse City, Sissy was snowmobiling with Mr. Wonderful in Munising, Michigan, which is about as far north as you can go before falling off the edge of the earth.

That's my Sissy in there somewhere...

On the way back to Green Bay from Munising, the lovebirds stopped in Wallace, MI, where Mr. Wonderful's cousin owns a zoo (I kid you not..thedeyoungfamilyzoo.com/).

According to Sissy, half the animals live in the house with the family, including this cute little guy:

Sissy holding Louie, the DeYoung family pet.

Doesn't she look natural holding him? I think it's time she
gave me grandchildren, although I hope they'll look more like her.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Definition of Insanity

The week after I came off the road, I drove to the Twin Cities in Minnesota, to visit my youngest daughter, Sassy. I wanted to see her new apartment and see how she was getting along. I planned to stay only a few days, but there was a HUGE blizzard while I was there, and I ended up staying an entire week. So I can safely tell you that the definition of insanity is: "One-bedroom apartment with one young woman and five cats".

Or, to put it mathematically: 21 year old blonde + no common sense(1 bedroom apartment)x 5 cats = .....
you guessed it, X = "insanity"!!!!!

There were cats everywhere! On the table, on the counters, on the chairs, in the shower, under the furniture, and one particularly un-endearing creature crying and scratching at the bedroom door nonstop every night, all night! By the time I left, I felt like I was covered in cat hair (I probably was).

And THIS is only four of them!

The kittens, or do I mean, the culprits.

They look so innocent, don't they?

As soon as I arrived at Sassy's place, I had to use her bathroom. Imagine my surprise when she hollered in "You only have to use one square of toilet paper". "Excuse me?", I replied. "It's really high-quality toilet paper", she said, "you only need one square, maybe two". "I don't think so", I countered. "That stuff's expensive", she said, "I don't want you wasting it".

Isn't it funny how when she was living at home, it never occurred to her to conserve on paper products...or electricity...or water? I still remember when Mr. Trucker and I first married and blended our two families, how shocked he was at how much toilet paper three girls could use in comparison to he and his son. But it's different now that Sassy is living on her own, and paying her own expenses. Yes sirree Bob! Things are different now!

While I was at Sassy's, we spent a lovely several hours touring the Como Park Conservatory and Zoo in St. Paul. www.comozooconservatory.org/ What a cool place!